Debbie Jordaan
Mom
Festive Sadness
Merry Meet New Readers. Welcome to our regular readers.
This month my story is personal - about my phobia on Christmas time.
I had a whole year where my older daughter had ran away from home - on and off.
The last time I had found her she stayed.
We were putting up Christmas decorations and she stood in my doorway, she looked at me and said she is going to stay with her dad because she is pregnant. The father of my grandson at the time was not allowed at my mom's house where I was staying.
She was a few months pregnant before telling me.
My grandson was born on the twelfth of December. I wasn’t at the birth as I was extremely depressed with her leaving.
I got over myself and went to the hospital to see her and him - I fell in love with that gorgeous baby. That was the beginning of my life - he's birth.
My mom's birthday is the twenty seventh of December. We always had a small intimate celebration. It will always stay in my thoughts on that specific day.
My mom fell ill to asthma and emphysema. She was in and out of hospital. Six years ago the eighteenth of January was her death date. She passed at home and I wasn’t there that day
Merry Meet New Readers. Welcome to our regular readers.
This month my story is personal - about my phobia on Christmas time.
I had a whole year where my older daughter had ran away from home - on and off.
The last time I had found her she stayed.
We were putting up Christmas decorations and she stood in my doorway, she looked at me and said she is going to stay with her dad because she is pregnant. The father of my grandson at the time was not allowed at my mom's house where I was staying.
She was a few months pregnant before telling me.
My grandson was born on the twelfth of December. I wasn’t at the birth as I was extremely depressed with her leaving.
I got over myself and went to the hospital to see her and him - I fell in love with that gorgeous baby. That was the beginning of my life - he's birth.
My mom's birthday is the twenty seventh of December. We always had a small intimate celebration. It will always stay in my thoughts on that specific day.
My mom fell ill to asthma and emphysema. She was in and out of hospital. Six years ago the eighteenth of January was her death date. She passed at home and I wasn’t there that day
My mom with my girls when they were younger. The baby is a friends baby
So guilt of not being there in her time of need really got to me.
I always wanted to take care of people so decided at the time I wanted to do caring. My path of being a senior carer started before my mom's death where I was asked to take care of her partner’s mother. It was a beautiful experience giving myself to someone. Just their love and appreciation was all I needed. It felt as if the universe had opened my path of life. Giving me purpose. Especially for people that are sick and die alone.
I wanted to be there when the family couldn't be as in the case of my mom - me not being there.
I always wanted to take care of people so decided at the time I wanted to do caring. My path of being a senior carer started before my mom's death where I was asked to take care of her partner’s mother. It was a beautiful experience giving myself to someone. Just their love and appreciation was all I needed. It felt as if the universe had opened my path of life. Giving me purpose. Especially for people that are sick and die alone.
I wanted to be there when the family couldn't be as in the case of my mom - me not being there.
My first born grandson
I became a career and actually had a patient hold my hand taking her last breath. I can’t begin to explain the feeling. I was hoping at that time that I was making my mom proud by being what my patient needed.
So to me my spiritual awakening came from the first patient - my step gran. She was a beautiful soul and just gave me love.
In conclusion - my mom's birthday being two days after Christmas and her death date in January doesn’t make it easier for me. So my grandson’s birth 12th December 9 years ago just lightens my heart in my time of sadness when I miss my mom in the festive period.
Thank you for allowing me to share my story. Have a beautiful festive season and may the New Year welcome you in wonderful ways
So to me my spiritual awakening came from the first patient - my step gran. She was a beautiful soul and just gave me love.
In conclusion - my mom's birthday being two days after Christmas and her death date in January doesn’t make it easier for me. So my grandson’s birth 12th December 9 years ago just lightens my heart in my time of sadness when I miss my mom in the festive period.
Thank you for allowing me to share my story. Have a beautiful festive season and may the New Year welcome you in wonderful ways
Buddhism Saved Me
This month I'm writing about male abuse from women. Yes, men suffer mental and physical abuse from women and society. The story I'm telling this month is of a friend of mine who was and still is abused by he's wife. Though they have been separated for 11 years.
Since meeting she's been an alcoholic. She never was a mother nor a wife. The only walls she knows are rehabilitation walls and still drinks and blames her kids and husband for her alcohol abuse. Her husband eventually wondered out of the marriage and he then found happiness In religion - Buddhism. Instead of a lover.
He went to Thailand for a month to discover what was lying beneath the veil of Buddhism.
He found peace in he's thoughts by meditating. Meeting the monks and that became he's coping mechanism. He discovered by changing he's thoughts he could get over the obstacle of the wife that was a human leech.
Maybe he's wife should find religion and it could possibly make her a better human.
This month I'm writing about male abuse from women. Yes, men suffer mental and physical abuse from women and society. The story I'm telling this month is of a friend of mine who was and still is abused by he's wife. Though they have been separated for 11 years.
Since meeting she's been an alcoholic. She never was a mother nor a wife. The only walls she knows are rehabilitation walls and still drinks and blames her kids and husband for her alcohol abuse. Her husband eventually wondered out of the marriage and he then found happiness In religion - Buddhism. Instead of a lover.
He went to Thailand for a month to discover what was lying beneath the veil of Buddhism.
He found peace in he's thoughts by meditating. Meeting the monks and that became he's coping mechanism. He discovered by changing he's thoughts he could get over the obstacle of the wife that was a human leech.
Maybe he's wife should find religion and it could possibly make her a better human.
Women Oppressed
Yes as humans we have evolved but to whose advantage? This is not hate speech targeted at the male species but the male has laws and regulations in their collective religions that are mostly to their advantage and the female must bow down and be the lesser person.
I might sound like an activist of note but its merely my opinion on females being under valued and under estimated.
I watched a movie " If Walls Could Talk 2 ". It was brilliant. Had three stories of females that are gay and how they progressed from 1962 to 2000. A movie worth watching.
Females in some religions are not allowed to do many things - mostly not having a voice on how many children they want or if they even want children.The way they are allowed to dress and even if they are allowed to be in the presence of males in a social circle.
Religion wise they might have a choice but as a female child you have to follow your parents religion unless you rebel and follow your own path once you get to an age where you are allowed to have a voice or opinion.
I have two siblings. Males. Afrikaans mom and dad. My mom was a single mom so times were tough. She gave us the freedom to explore our religions. My one brother is Atheist. The other Muslim.
That was accepted by my mom but as soon as I found my spiritual path I was judged. So does that mean as parents we allow the boys more than the girls or is it just the fact that I followed a Taboo religion according to society?
I could write a book on this subject but I'm going to end off by saying that whether you are male or female just respect each other as humans. No matter what race you are we are all inhabitants of this beautiful planet.
Lets preserve this planet and take care of its inhabitants.
Yes as humans we have evolved but to whose advantage? This is not hate speech targeted at the male species but the male has laws and regulations in their collective religions that are mostly to their advantage and the female must bow down and be the lesser person.
I might sound like an activist of note but its merely my opinion on females being under valued and under estimated.
I watched a movie " If Walls Could Talk 2 ". It was brilliant. Had three stories of females that are gay and how they progressed from 1962 to 2000. A movie worth watching.
Females in some religions are not allowed to do many things - mostly not having a voice on how many children they want or if they even want children.The way they are allowed to dress and even if they are allowed to be in the presence of males in a social circle.
Religion wise they might have a choice but as a female child you have to follow your parents religion unless you rebel and follow your own path once you get to an age where you are allowed to have a voice or opinion.
I have two siblings. Males. Afrikaans mom and dad. My mom was a single mom so times were tough. She gave us the freedom to explore our religions. My one brother is Atheist. The other Muslim.
That was accepted by my mom but as soon as I found my spiritual path I was judged. So does that mean as parents we allow the boys more than the girls or is it just the fact that I followed a Taboo religion according to society?
I could write a book on this subject but I'm going to end off by saying that whether you are male or female just respect each other as humans. No matter what race you are we are all inhabitants of this beautiful planet.
Lets preserve this planet and take care of its inhabitants.
My Journey
Everyone here knows I suffer from bipolar disorder,so my spirituality has a lot to do with to get me through my dark days.
In this time I've been off the blog I've been going through a difficult time in relationships and my mental state has been taking a toll on my day to day activities.
I have the privilege of writing for the blog again so there's definitely a light in my soul.
I have recently had a relationship break up of 6 years. He left with no explanation - my depression went into overdrive.
I felt a pull toward Hinduism, especially Ganesha. I'm not becoming a Hindu but the peaceful nature of this religion gets me through my hard times.
When I stopped writing my mind was in turmoil but getting back to poetry and surrounding myself with my precious stones and dream catchers has brought me back to myself.
I'm currently living on a farm in the Vaal area so tranquility is a step outside the back door. I'm not a cat person but I'm caring for the owners cat and the cat is more dog as it allows me to train it. So I think I was an Egyptian in a previous life.
I'm off- but thank you once again for allowing me to write for you.
Debbie
Everyone here knows I suffer from bipolar disorder,so my spirituality has a lot to do with to get me through my dark days.
In this time I've been off the blog I've been going through a difficult time in relationships and my mental state has been taking a toll on my day to day activities.
I have the privilege of writing for the blog again so there's definitely a light in my soul.
I have recently had a relationship break up of 6 years. He left with no explanation - my depression went into overdrive.
I felt a pull toward Hinduism, especially Ganesha. I'm not becoming a Hindu but the peaceful nature of this religion gets me through my hard times.
When I stopped writing my mind was in turmoil but getting back to poetry and surrounding myself with my precious stones and dream catchers has brought me back to myself.
I'm currently living on a farm in the Vaal area so tranquility is a step outside the back door. I'm not a cat person but I'm caring for the owners cat and the cat is more dog as it allows me to train it. So I think I was an Egyptian in a previous life.
I'm off- but thank you once again for allowing me to write for you.
Debbie
