Debbie Jordaan
Coping With Mental Illness
Good day to our readers, If it were not for you we would have no platform to voice ourselves, Thank you for supporting our blog,
I'd like to write on Depression as I know there are many different forms of it and hopefully by writing my personal thoughts down it could motivate someone or even one of you have some advice for me in my time of mental turmoil. I was diagnosed in 2005 with bipolar mental disorder but as time has gone on they said I could have borderline disorder. Years ago I coped by self mutilating. I tried to hang myself. Numerous overdoses. After all that I'm still here and a better person for the experiences.
What I'm questioning these days is - Am I responsible for personal and family relationships going wrong or do people just not know how to support me? I really try my best to have a relationship with a partner but it gets to a stage where I become withdrawn and think that it's him not understanding me - so I go quiet. Is it me rejecting people because I'm antisocial or is my tolerance level reaching boiling point? I know in my logical mind that it could be me rejecting them because of things happening in the relationship. My mind tells me to say how I feel. I do that then all hell breaks loose. People tend to judge me before trying to understand me. So as I always say to myself - the less people I talk to the less I need to impress. Is that a coping mechanism? I don't know. I've learnt from my psychologist to let go of toxic people in my life. Did that. I'm past the point of trying to be alright if I'm not feeling alright.
I know I should'nt default on my medicine but sometimes I'm tired of depending on chemicals to make me smile. I'd like to smile from within without taking medicine to make me happy for the day. The only humans that can get me to some happiness are my two daughters and my beautiful grandsons. Just being in the space changes my mood naturally. Is it the covid 19 making it much worse by social distancing rules? Partly so but having a mental health problem we have bouts of high and low moods. It takes one small thing to push us over the edge and how we cope with that is so important. I'm good at helping others but helping myself is so difficult and at this stage all I'm doing these days is sleeping. Forcing myself to do daily chores and my night and day have changed. I'm up all night - sleep half my day away. Get energy in the afternoon and the routine goes from there. Obviously this is not a good time. I tell myself to pick myself up and that I have more than some people have. I must be grateful for food. A bed.
Good day to our readers, If it were not for you we would have no platform to voice ourselves, Thank you for supporting our blog,
I'd like to write on Depression as I know there are many different forms of it and hopefully by writing my personal thoughts down it could motivate someone or even one of you have some advice for me in my time of mental turmoil. I was diagnosed in 2005 with bipolar mental disorder but as time has gone on they said I could have borderline disorder. Years ago I coped by self mutilating. I tried to hang myself. Numerous overdoses. After all that I'm still here and a better person for the experiences.
What I'm questioning these days is - Am I responsible for personal and family relationships going wrong or do people just not know how to support me? I really try my best to have a relationship with a partner but it gets to a stage where I become withdrawn and think that it's him not understanding me - so I go quiet. Is it me rejecting people because I'm antisocial or is my tolerance level reaching boiling point? I know in my logical mind that it could be me rejecting them because of things happening in the relationship. My mind tells me to say how I feel. I do that then all hell breaks loose. People tend to judge me before trying to understand me. So as I always say to myself - the less people I talk to the less I need to impress. Is that a coping mechanism? I don't know. I've learnt from my psychologist to let go of toxic people in my life. Did that. I'm past the point of trying to be alright if I'm not feeling alright.
I know I should'nt default on my medicine but sometimes I'm tired of depending on chemicals to make me smile. I'd like to smile from within without taking medicine to make me happy for the day. The only humans that can get me to some happiness are my two daughters and my beautiful grandsons. Just being in the space changes my mood naturally. Is it the covid 19 making it much worse by social distancing rules? Partly so but having a mental health problem we have bouts of high and low moods. It takes one small thing to push us over the edge and how we cope with that is so important. I'm good at helping others but helping myself is so difficult and at this stage all I'm doing these days is sleeping. Forcing myself to do daily chores and my night and day have changed. I'm up all night - sleep half my day away. Get energy in the afternoon and the routine goes from there. Obviously this is not a good time. I tell myself to pick myself up and that I have more than some people have. I must be grateful for food. A bed.
Healthy children and grandkids. I'm lucky to have support from my mental health clinic at my local hospital. At any given time I can walk in their door and get the support I need. Like many people I'm not currently working and that is making it worse.
My grandma on my fathers side had mental illness and i read it could be hereditory. My hope is that my daughters nor my grandsons not have it. It's an illness I would not even wish on my worst enemy. I envy people that can be normal. Cope with life - how wonderful would that be? To feel happy and content. Thank you for letting me write my thoughts. I have never discussed my thoughts with so many strangers at one time. I know you will not be judgemental. Hopefully you think I am brave to open up to you - the reader. Trusting you with my insecurities and hoping I can get some understanding.
Be blessed.
My grandma on my fathers side had mental illness and i read it could be hereditory. My hope is that my daughters nor my grandsons not have it. It's an illness I would not even wish on my worst enemy. I envy people that can be normal. Cope with life - how wonderful would that be? To feel happy and content. Thank you for letting me write my thoughts. I have never discussed my thoughts with so many strangers at one time. I know you will not be judgemental. Hopefully you think I am brave to open up to you - the reader. Trusting you with my insecurities and hoping I can get some understanding.
Be blessed.
Parental Abuse
It's a subject very few people talk about. What I'm going to write about is based on experience from friends and family members and of my times as a carer. The way children treat their parents.
When I look at it I see that if children were brought up with a deserving mentality they as adults demand from the parent but little do they realise they have to work for what they want. A parent works for something their whole life and these deserving children want without any idea of what their parent went through to get what they have.
As a person gets older they want less drama and responsibilty and in swoops this child that thinks they are going to grab the opportunity to control the parent and whatever else. A business for instance. They forget it took the parent years to get the business to success and they start telling the parent what the said parent needs. First of all the child changes everything, disregards the needs of the workers and demands respect all of a sudden. Then him and he's wife try to control the father and he's daily living withholding he's own money from him. The father thought he's doing a good thing by letting he's son take over.
I grew up being taught that you work for what you want or you work for what you get. I taught my two daughters as many things as I could which my mum had taught me. It's trivial what it is you are working for just do it as no one else should be doing it for you if you are able bodied.
Another case study is of a mother that gives her all to her children to the maximum and beyond. She is going through financial problems now and her glorified children two adults that don't work tell her she's not good enough she can't even take care of them. Okay so they have both worked before, had children that my friend is taking care of because they say she's not a good enough granma. Okay so who made those grandkids? The daughter calls her mother a whore and a useless parent and she wishes her mother aborted. That to me is mental abuse.
It's a subject very few people talk about. What I'm going to write about is based on experience from friends and family members and of my times as a carer. The way children treat their parents.
When I look at it I see that if children were brought up with a deserving mentality they as adults demand from the parent but little do they realise they have to work for what they want. A parent works for something their whole life and these deserving children want without any idea of what their parent went through to get what they have.
As a person gets older they want less drama and responsibilty and in swoops this child that thinks they are going to grab the opportunity to control the parent and whatever else. A business for instance. They forget it took the parent years to get the business to success and they start telling the parent what the said parent needs. First of all the child changes everything, disregards the needs of the workers and demands respect all of a sudden. Then him and he's wife try to control the father and he's daily living withholding he's own money from him. The father thought he's doing a good thing by letting he's son take over.
I grew up being taught that you work for what you want or you work for what you get. I taught my two daughters as many things as I could which my mum had taught me. It's trivial what it is you are working for just do it as no one else should be doing it for you if you are able bodied.
Another case study is of a mother that gives her all to her children to the maximum and beyond. She is going through financial problems now and her glorified children two adults that don't work tell her she's not good enough she can't even take care of them. Okay so they have both worked before, had children that my friend is taking care of because they say she's not a good enough granma. Okay so who made those grandkids? The daughter calls her mother a whore and a useless parent and she wishes her mother aborted. That to me is mental abuse.
Then you get a mother who lives with her son and he tells her what to do daily. If he says no she just agress. Is he hitting her or is it just the fact that she is elderly and has lost her fight. Like some children he has nothing. He sold her things for drugs and he's sibling is also a drug addict. The mother molly coddles them yet her other son runs he's departed fathers business. He has sober habits and good values. Where did it all go wrong?
As people get older their children want to dictate as I'm sure their only thought is if their parents have assets that they have to keep an eye on the parent in case they spend the money then they have nothing to inherit. Now on the flip side there are wonderful children out there. They take care of their parents. They give back what was given to them. Wish my mom were still alive. I'd die for her. So where does the problem lie? Is it the parents fault for molly coddling the children or is it the child who has a deserving mentality?
In conclusion my opinion is that we as parents must think before spoiling the children to the point that they becoming deserving human beings. We love our children but maybe by teaching them good moral values and work for what you want our future leaders just might be worth their weight in gold.
Be safe and be blessed.
As people get older their children want to dictate as I'm sure their only thought is if their parents have assets that they have to keep an eye on the parent in case they spend the money then they have nothing to inherit. Now on the flip side there are wonderful children out there. They take care of their parents. They give back what was given to them. Wish my mom were still alive. I'd die for her. So where does the problem lie? Is it the parents fault for molly coddling the children or is it the child who has a deserving mentality?
In conclusion my opinion is that we as parents must think before spoiling the children to the point that they becoming deserving human beings. We love our children but maybe by teaching them good moral values and work for what you want our future leaders just might be worth their weight in gold.
Be safe and be blessed.
Mother Nature
Good day to all our readers. Regular readers and new readers. Without you our thoughts would be exactly just what they are.
With the world being on lockdown we all try to stay sane by practicing our religions and try fill the time with things we never get the chance to do. We all have different religious views and values but I think we can all agree on the fact that Mother Nature has found a way to regenerate herself as the world is over populated and the damage done to her by humans is reprehensible. Mother Nature doesn’t ask to be praised - She asks to be respected.
Every day we are destroying Earth and not noticing the extremities of our actions. Looking back at history one wonders how civilizations just got destroyed? I don't think we need to wonder much - Mother Nature took control. Look at the damage being done to oceans, over fishing and pollution. That's just the oceans not even to speak about the land. There are people trying to restore the Earth but it's a drop in the bucket because as they are try to fix things the other people are destroying vegetation. Some people need to be educated on over population worldwide as their cultures say that the more children they have the more blessed they will be. This over population is causing famine and droughts leaving countries in extreme poverty. If they were properly educated on the levels of poverty caused by their cultures and think logically maybe they would opt for contraception as many don't believe in that.
Good day to all our readers. Regular readers and new readers. Without you our thoughts would be exactly just what they are.
With the world being on lockdown we all try to stay sane by practicing our religions and try fill the time with things we never get the chance to do. We all have different religious views and values but I think we can all agree on the fact that Mother Nature has found a way to regenerate herself as the world is over populated and the damage done to her by humans is reprehensible. Mother Nature doesn’t ask to be praised - She asks to be respected.
Every day we are destroying Earth and not noticing the extremities of our actions. Looking back at history one wonders how civilizations just got destroyed? I don't think we need to wonder much - Mother Nature took control. Look at the damage being done to oceans, over fishing and pollution. That's just the oceans not even to speak about the land. There are people trying to restore the Earth but it's a drop in the bucket because as they are try to fix things the other people are destroying vegetation. Some people need to be educated on over population worldwide as their cultures say that the more children they have the more blessed they will be. This over population is causing famine and droughts leaving countries in extreme poverty. If they were properly educated on the levels of poverty caused by their cultures and think logically maybe they would opt for contraception as many don't believe in that.
Education is key to conservation of this beautiful Earth of ours. If every human did their part even the simple things like not littering Mother Nature would reward us with more abundance. We as humans are here to look after Earth so our children have a future but at the rate it's going there will be no future as greed and uneducated humans destroy our beautiful planet. Nature doesn't care. As civilizations die out vegetation keeps on growing, animals take over from where they came. Respect is earned and we as Humans has disappointed Mother Nature. She is showing us, her children - that we have failed her by natural disasters and disease.
Let’s become more respectful of one another and of Earth then there might just be a future for our next generations.
PEACE AND WELL - BEING TO ALL.
Let’s become more respectful of one another and of Earth then there might just be a future for our next generations.
PEACE AND WELL - BEING TO ALL.
Relationships Defined By Bipolar
A warm welcome to our regular readers and hello to our new readers. Hope the articles on the site inspire and motivate you. This month I'd like to talk about how my bipolar has affected my personal relationships in my life and my journey to a functional relationship at my ripe old age of 47.
I've had bipolar since a child but never realised that till I got into adulthood. My relationship with my mom was difficult but all she tried to do was show me that I was not to settle for less. My ex husband was my way out when I was younger to get away from my mom but of course getting divorced proved that it was not my best plan - I at least got to become a mom myself. Never regretted my daughters.
As I went through my life I met some men that verbally abused me, messed me up even more than I already was. The only best friend I had was my best friend I had known since I was five years old. He was married at the time so we did'nt try any relationship. He separated from he's wife so we thought we would give being a couple a chance. We got it right for three years till I started freaking out and having bad bipolar episodes. I was in a downward spiral and he could'nt deal with it. He found someone to talk to and who was he's comfort zone in he's chaos with me. I can't blame only him for our downfall and him having an affair with the lady. It eventually ended up that we just let go and parted. Took me a while to get over as he was my dream man even when I was married he was always the one that got away. My expectations were obviously far fetched regarding him Id say. Lesson learnt there - best friends aren't always destined to be lovers or to be married.
A warm welcome to our regular readers and hello to our new readers. Hope the articles on the site inspire and motivate you. This month I'd like to talk about how my bipolar has affected my personal relationships in my life and my journey to a functional relationship at my ripe old age of 47.
I've had bipolar since a child but never realised that till I got into adulthood. My relationship with my mom was difficult but all she tried to do was show me that I was not to settle for less. My ex husband was my way out when I was younger to get away from my mom but of course getting divorced proved that it was not my best plan - I at least got to become a mom myself. Never regretted my daughters.
As I went through my life I met some men that verbally abused me, messed me up even more than I already was. The only best friend I had was my best friend I had known since I was five years old. He was married at the time so we did'nt try any relationship. He separated from he's wife so we thought we would give being a couple a chance. We got it right for three years till I started freaking out and having bad bipolar episodes. I was in a downward spiral and he could'nt deal with it. He found someone to talk to and who was he's comfort zone in he's chaos with me. I can't blame only him for our downfall and him having an affair with the lady. It eventually ended up that we just let go and parted. Took me a while to get over as he was my dream man even when I was married he was always the one that got away. My expectations were obviously far fetched regarding him Id say. Lesson learnt there - best friends aren't always destined to be lovers or to be married.
I always sent out into the universe that I would like to meet someone older than myself and an intelligent person. Intelligence is more appealing to me than a muscular body. Looks can’t keep your mind captivated. The universe answered me a few years ago. I met a wonderful man. Intelligent, wise and very understanding. He is well read and keeps me captivated every time he speaks, the rest definitely followed at a slow pace. This time I tried to get it right. He gets my bipolar - he understands my psychological mind and always has good advice which I follow often. We have our moments but we are a couple in the process of discovering each other’s ways and quirks.
Thank you for giving me the chance to tell you about my life. Be blessed by the universe and may other nature take care of you.
Thank you for giving me the chance to tell you about my life. Be blessed by the universe and may other nature take care of you.
Motherhood and Letting Go
Hello everyone and welcome to the new readers to this wonderful site. This month the Universe tested me to the extreme and beyond - As a mother, Partner and Human being. With all that is happening to our planet right now I'm hoping my article can take you away from your own thoughts for a while.
Being a mom of two girls is sometimes trying as I worry about them constantly though they are adults and living their lives. As a mother you get intertwined in their lives and sometimes forget that you once were young and also didn't take your moms advice.
My one daughter is diabetic and many more complications - mommy of two beautiful souls - my two grandsons. She is the best mommy she can be in her health situation - though her extended family make her life hell and as it's her husband’s family I can't really intervene and defend my daughter as she tells me she will sort them out. So all I can do is be there for her in an unbiased way to prevent any further problems.
My other daughter is a career driven young lady and is going through some soul searching. I really like her partner - as she is my child and all I can do is love her and listen to her no matter where the road takes her. My wish for her is that she achieves the best she can be and strive for happiness. She is elusive and chooses not to share her trials in life. The only time she shares anything with me is if she has already decided what to do. Her happiness is all that matters to me.
Hello everyone and welcome to the new readers to this wonderful site. This month the Universe tested me to the extreme and beyond - As a mother, Partner and Human being. With all that is happening to our planet right now I'm hoping my article can take you away from your own thoughts for a while.
Being a mom of two girls is sometimes trying as I worry about them constantly though they are adults and living their lives. As a mother you get intertwined in their lives and sometimes forget that you once were young and also didn't take your moms advice.
My one daughter is diabetic and many more complications - mommy of two beautiful souls - my two grandsons. She is the best mommy she can be in her health situation - though her extended family make her life hell and as it's her husband’s family I can't really intervene and defend my daughter as she tells me she will sort them out. So all I can do is be there for her in an unbiased way to prevent any further problems.
My other daughter is a career driven young lady and is going through some soul searching. I really like her partner - as she is my child and all I can do is love her and listen to her no matter where the road takes her. My wish for her is that she achieves the best she can be and strive for happiness. She is elusive and chooses not to share her trials in life. The only time she shares anything with me is if she has already decided what to do. Her happiness is all that matters to me.
Sometimes being a partner is difficult as he is needy and I'm so used to being left to my own choices and devices. Needy in a good way and I still get the freedom I need and time to give to others that also need me. He accommodates my religious beliefs and my bipolar without judgement.
My bipolar has had a field day this month as well so at any given time when I feel like doing anything I'm happy and content even if it is for a short while. I have to be strong as no one else is going to do it for me. We are in control of our own emotions and avoid people that make us feel like we are worth less than how we should be feeling. So letting go of toxic people is the best strategy for anyone.
The universe has tested me for a reason and no matter what I'm always grateful for what I have no matter the situation. I have abundance of people that love me and I am content with what I have. Thank you mother earth for your abundance of beautiful souls in my life.
My bipolar has had a field day this month as well so at any given time when I feel like doing anything I'm happy and content even if it is for a short while. I have to be strong as no one else is going to do it for me. We are in control of our own emotions and avoid people that make us feel like we are worth less than how we should be feeling. So letting go of toxic people is the best strategy for anyone.
The universe has tested me for a reason and no matter what I'm always grateful for what I have no matter the situation. I have abundance of people that love me and I am content with what I have. Thank you mother earth for your abundance of beautiful souls in my life.
Goodbye My Soul Sister
This is a love story of sorts except it celebrates the love of two girls that were best friends and cousins. The love story ended when Margi passed away on the first of February 2020. The relationship of sisterhood started in 1972 when they were born three days apart.
This story tells you of me- Deborah and my cousin Margaret aka Margi. We officially became attached at the hip when we were around five years of age or so. Myself and my brothers would go visit Margi and her family every opportunity we could get as our moms were sisters it was accepted that my aunt would have us often as my mom was a single parent and my aunt helped her out. As Margi and myself were the only two girls among her four brothers and my two brothers we formed a bond as we had to stand up to all these boys but we were loved by them though they pestered us into oblivion.
As the years went by Margi and I grew closer, a bond that was unbreakable. Our bond was so solid and we were in sync with each other. We would get physically ill if we didn't see each other every few days, so off to the plot every weekend to Margi - myself and my brothers would go. I was taught to be a real plot child by playing the games my boy cousins taught us but I would never change that experience for the world. The times spent there were the best days of my childhood.
This is a love story of sorts except it celebrates the love of two girls that were best friends and cousins. The love story ended when Margi passed away on the first of February 2020. The relationship of sisterhood started in 1972 when they were born three days apart.
This story tells you of me- Deborah and my cousin Margaret aka Margi. We officially became attached at the hip when we were around five years of age or so. Myself and my brothers would go visit Margi and her family every opportunity we could get as our moms were sisters it was accepted that my aunt would have us often as my mom was a single parent and my aunt helped her out. As Margi and myself were the only two girls among her four brothers and my two brothers we formed a bond as we had to stand up to all these boys but we were loved by them though they pestered us into oblivion.
As the years went by Margi and I grew closer, a bond that was unbreakable. Our bond was so solid and we were in sync with each other. We would get physically ill if we didn't see each other every few days, so off to the plot every weekend to Margi - myself and my brothers would go. I was taught to be a real plot child by playing the games my boy cousins taught us but I would never change that experience for the world. The times spent there were the best days of my childhood.
As Margi and myself grew up and went our separate ways we still had time for each other. Margi started getting sick and stopped sharing things with me. Typical cancerian she went into her shell and wouldn't allow me into her world of chaos. In her depression she had developed a drinking problem and her breast cancer was escalating. She just gave up on treatment and got lost in her world of depression.
She was going toward illegal ways to get pain control and no one was aware except when it had reached its peak and point of no return. Her family was helping pay her debt to the people supplying her illegal pain medicine and it came at a hefty price.
Eventually her body had had enough and she passed away from numerous illnesses in regards to her condition. I have not mourned her. Am I happy about her parting? Not sure. In the confines of my soul I feel happy that she has no more pain but am very sad I couldn't save her from herself.
Goodbye to a beautiful soul. You will be missed. I love you my soul sister.
She was going toward illegal ways to get pain control and no one was aware except when it had reached its peak and point of no return. Her family was helping pay her debt to the people supplying her illegal pain medicine and it came at a hefty price.
Eventually her body had had enough and she passed away from numerous illnesses in regards to her condition. I have not mourned her. Am I happy about her parting? Not sure. In the confines of my soul I feel happy that she has no more pain but am very sad I couldn't save her from herself.
Goodbye to a beautiful soul. You will be missed. I love you my soul sister.
Spiritual Freedom
Hi Everyone. Hope you had a wonderful New Year and my wish for you is that you have only beautiful prospects ahead.
My article this month encases my current relationship paired with spirituality.
In my previous relationships I had to practice my beliefs privately as the men I were with never allowed me the freedom to be me.
To them I was either a toy, maid or slave.
As in my current relationship I can discuss my pagan beliefs and explore other different religions at the same time without judgement. I’m pulled toward Hinduism as I have discussed before, but am open to many others.
I grant my daughters the freedom of their Christian belief without prejudice as every person has their own mind and opinions.
My grandsons are always telling me how great Jesus is - how big he is. They want to be like him. I even tell them tales of the bible.
Hi Everyone. Hope you had a wonderful New Year and my wish for you is that you have only beautiful prospects ahead.
My article this month encases my current relationship paired with spirituality.
In my previous relationships I had to practice my beliefs privately as the men I were with never allowed me the freedom to be me.
To them I was either a toy, maid or slave.
As in my current relationship I can discuss my pagan beliefs and explore other different religions at the same time without judgement. I’m pulled toward Hinduism as I have discussed before, but am open to many others.
I grant my daughters the freedom of their Christian belief without prejudice as every person has their own mind and opinions.
My grandsons are always telling me how great Jesus is - how big he is. They want to be like him. I even tell them tales of the bible.
My whole family from grandfather, grandmother- to aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews all have gifts. My own daughter has a gift to talk to people that have passed but she's blocking it due to not wanting to see the spirits.
I know one day my daughter will embrace her spirituality but for now let her go to church just as I go to church in nature.
It's a beautiful life and we all deserve to be the best we are at what it is we choose to do.
Thank you for your continued support by reading my thoughts and true life anecdotes.
Be blessed
Deborah
I know one day my daughter will embrace her spirituality but for now let her go to church just as I go to church in nature.
It's a beautiful life and we all deserve to be the best we are at what it is we choose to do.
Thank you for your continued support by reading my thoughts and true life anecdotes.
Be blessed
Deborah
Mom
Festive Sadness
Merry Meet New Readers. Welcome to our regular readers.
This month my story is personal - about my phobia on Christmas time.
I had a whole year where my older daughter had ran away from home - on and off.
The last time I had found her she stayed.
We were putting up Christmas decorations and she stood in my doorway, she looked at me and said she is going to stay with her dad because she is pregnant. The father of my grandson at the time was not allowed at my mom's house where I was staying.
She was a few months pregnant before telling me.
My grandson was born on the twelfth of December. I wasn’t at the birth as I was extremely depressed with her leaving.
I got over myself and went to the hospital to see her and him - I fell in love with that gorgeous baby. That was the beginning of my life - he's birth.
My mom's birthday is the twenty seventh of December. We always had a small intimate celebration. It will always stay in my thoughts on that specific day.
My mom fell ill to asthma and emphysema. She was in and out of hospital. Six years ago the eighteenth of January was her death date. She passed at home and I wasn’t there that day
Merry Meet New Readers. Welcome to our regular readers.
This month my story is personal - about my phobia on Christmas time.
I had a whole year where my older daughter had ran away from home - on and off.
The last time I had found her she stayed.
We were putting up Christmas decorations and she stood in my doorway, she looked at me and said she is going to stay with her dad because she is pregnant. The father of my grandson at the time was not allowed at my mom's house where I was staying.
She was a few months pregnant before telling me.
My grandson was born on the twelfth of December. I wasn’t at the birth as I was extremely depressed with her leaving.
I got over myself and went to the hospital to see her and him - I fell in love with that gorgeous baby. That was the beginning of my life - he's birth.
My mom's birthday is the twenty seventh of December. We always had a small intimate celebration. It will always stay in my thoughts on that specific day.
My mom fell ill to asthma and emphysema. She was in and out of hospital. Six years ago the eighteenth of January was her death date. She passed at home and I wasn’t there that day
My mom with my girls when they were younger. The baby is a friends baby
So guilt of not being there in her time of need really got to me.
I always wanted to take care of people so decided at the time I wanted to do caring. My path of being a senior carer started before my mom's death where I was asked to take care of her partner’s mother. It was a beautiful experience giving myself to someone. Just their love and appreciation was all I needed. It felt as if the universe had opened my path of life. Giving me purpose. Especially for people that are sick and die alone.
I wanted to be there when the family couldn't be as in the case of my mom - me not being there.
I always wanted to take care of people so decided at the time I wanted to do caring. My path of being a senior carer started before my mom's death where I was asked to take care of her partner’s mother. It was a beautiful experience giving myself to someone. Just their love and appreciation was all I needed. It felt as if the universe had opened my path of life. Giving me purpose. Especially for people that are sick and die alone.
I wanted to be there when the family couldn't be as in the case of my mom - me not being there.
My first born grandson
I became a career and actually had a patient hold my hand taking her last breath. I can’t begin to explain the feeling. I was hoping at that time that I was making my mom proud by being what my patient needed.
So to me my spiritual awakening came from the first patient - my step gran. She was a beautiful soul and just gave me love.
In conclusion - my mom's birthday being two days after Christmas and her death date in January doesn’t make it easier for me. So my grandson’s birth 12th December 9 years ago just lightens my heart in my time of sadness when I miss my mom in the festive period.
Thank you for allowing me to share my story. Have a beautiful festive season and may the New Year welcome you in wonderful ways
So to me my spiritual awakening came from the first patient - my step gran. She was a beautiful soul and just gave me love.
In conclusion - my mom's birthday being two days after Christmas and her death date in January doesn’t make it easier for me. So my grandson’s birth 12th December 9 years ago just lightens my heart in my time of sadness when I miss my mom in the festive period.
Thank you for allowing me to share my story. Have a beautiful festive season and may the New Year welcome you in wonderful ways
Buddhism Saved Me
This month I'm writing about male abuse from women. Yes, men suffer mental and physical abuse from women and society. The story I'm telling this month is of a friend of mine who was and still is abused by he's wife. Though they have been separated for 11 years.
Since meeting she's been an alcoholic. She never was a mother nor a wife. The only walls she knows are rehabilitation walls and still drinks and blames her kids and husband for her alcohol abuse. Her husband eventually wondered out of the marriage and he then found happiness In religion - Buddhism. Instead of a lover.
He went to Thailand for a month to discover what was lying beneath the veil of Buddhism.
He found peace in he's thoughts by meditating. Meeting the monks and that became he's coping mechanism. He discovered by changing he's thoughts he could get over the obstacle of the wife that was a human leech.
Maybe he's wife should find religion and it could possibly make her a better human.
This month I'm writing about male abuse from women. Yes, men suffer mental and physical abuse from women and society. The story I'm telling this month is of a friend of mine who was and still is abused by he's wife. Though they have been separated for 11 years.
Since meeting she's been an alcoholic. She never was a mother nor a wife. The only walls she knows are rehabilitation walls and still drinks and blames her kids and husband for her alcohol abuse. Her husband eventually wondered out of the marriage and he then found happiness In religion - Buddhism. Instead of a lover.
He went to Thailand for a month to discover what was lying beneath the veil of Buddhism.
He found peace in he's thoughts by meditating. Meeting the monks and that became he's coping mechanism. He discovered by changing he's thoughts he could get over the obstacle of the wife that was a human leech.
Maybe he's wife should find religion and it could possibly make her a better human.
Women Oppressed
Yes as humans we have evolved but to whose advantage? This is not hate speech targeted at the male species but the male has laws and regulations in their collective religions that are mostly to their advantage and the female must bow down and be the lesser person.
I might sound like an activist of note but its merely my opinion on females being under valued and under estimated.
I watched a movie " If Walls Could Talk 2 ". It was brilliant. Had three stories of females that are gay and how they progressed from 1962 to 2000. A movie worth watching.
Females in some religions are not allowed to do many things - mostly not having a voice on how many children they want or if they even want children.The way they are allowed to dress and even if they are allowed to be in the presence of males in a social circle.
Religion wise they might have a choice but as a female child you have to follow your parents religion unless you rebel and follow your own path once you get to an age where you are allowed to have a voice or opinion.
I have two siblings. Males. Afrikaans mom and dad. My mom was a single mom so times were tough. She gave us the freedom to explore our religions. My one brother is Atheist. The other Muslim.
That was accepted by my mom but as soon as I found my spiritual path I was judged. So does that mean as parents we allow the boys more than the girls or is it just the fact that I followed a Taboo religion according to society?
I could write a book on this subject but I'm going to end off by saying that whether you are male or female just respect each other as humans. No matter what race you are we are all inhabitants of this beautiful planet.
Lets preserve this planet and take care of its inhabitants.
Yes as humans we have evolved but to whose advantage? This is not hate speech targeted at the male species but the male has laws and regulations in their collective religions that are mostly to their advantage and the female must bow down and be the lesser person.
I might sound like an activist of note but its merely my opinion on females being under valued and under estimated.
I watched a movie " If Walls Could Talk 2 ". It was brilliant. Had three stories of females that are gay and how they progressed from 1962 to 2000. A movie worth watching.
Females in some religions are not allowed to do many things - mostly not having a voice on how many children they want or if they even want children.The way they are allowed to dress and even if they are allowed to be in the presence of males in a social circle.
Religion wise they might have a choice but as a female child you have to follow your parents religion unless you rebel and follow your own path once you get to an age where you are allowed to have a voice or opinion.
I have two siblings. Males. Afrikaans mom and dad. My mom was a single mom so times were tough. She gave us the freedom to explore our religions. My one brother is Atheist. The other Muslim.
That was accepted by my mom but as soon as I found my spiritual path I was judged. So does that mean as parents we allow the boys more than the girls or is it just the fact that I followed a Taboo religion according to society?
I could write a book on this subject but I'm going to end off by saying that whether you are male or female just respect each other as humans. No matter what race you are we are all inhabitants of this beautiful planet.
Lets preserve this planet and take care of its inhabitants.
My Journey
Everyone here knows I suffer from bipolar disorder,so my spirituality has a lot to do with to get me through my dark days.
In this time I've been off the blog I've been going through a difficult time in relationships and my mental state has been taking a toll on my day to day activities.
I have the privilege of writing for the blog again so there's definitely a light in my soul.
I have recently had a relationship break up of 6 years. He left with no explanation - my depression went into overdrive.
I felt a pull toward Hinduism, especially Ganesha. I'm not becoming a Hindu but the peaceful nature of this religion gets me through my hard times.
When I stopped writing my mind was in turmoil but getting back to poetry and surrounding myself with my precious stones and dream catchers has brought me back to myself.
I'm currently living on a farm in the Vaal area so tranquility is a step outside the back door. I'm not a cat person but I'm caring for the owners cat and the cat is more dog as it allows me to train it. So I think I was an Egyptian in a previous life.
I'm off- but thank you once again for allowing me to write for you.
Debbie
Everyone here knows I suffer from bipolar disorder,so my spirituality has a lot to do with to get me through my dark days.
In this time I've been off the blog I've been going through a difficult time in relationships and my mental state has been taking a toll on my day to day activities.
I have the privilege of writing for the blog again so there's definitely a light in my soul.
I have recently had a relationship break up of 6 years. He left with no explanation - my depression went into overdrive.
I felt a pull toward Hinduism, especially Ganesha. I'm not becoming a Hindu but the peaceful nature of this religion gets me through my hard times.
When I stopped writing my mind was in turmoil but getting back to poetry and surrounding myself with my precious stones and dream catchers has brought me back to myself.
I'm currently living on a farm in the Vaal area so tranquility is a step outside the back door. I'm not a cat person but I'm caring for the owners cat and the cat is more dog as it allows me to train it. So I think I was an Egyptian in a previous life.
I'm off- but thank you once again for allowing me to write for you.
Debbie
